I Blogged Myself

Why do you always come here? I guess we'll never know. It's like a kind of torture, To read this blog, y'know.

Welcome to the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppetational blog since Kermit left just a little bit of the swamp in his pants.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Home Again, Home Again, Jig-a-de-jig

Wow. Well, it's taken a couple of days to recover from the trip of a lifetime.*

Wifey recovered fully after her trip to the hospital in Hawaii, by the way. But my parents arrived home this morning and apparently Dad got really sick after we left (with exactly the same thing!).

He's alright now, though. It just put a dampener on the end of an otherwise terrific holiday.

There's a few things I wanted to cover off on before I leave the subject of our Hawaii holiday forever in the past.

1) Bucket and Spade.

As you may remember, in the days leading up to our holiday, I admitted on this blog that Sweetums did not, as yet, own a bucket and spade combo. So Wifey bought him a small set of beach toys (a good size for travelling overseas in a suitcase), and he was delighted to play with them the first day we were in Hawaii.

Here's what he owned, bucket-and-spade-wise, when we left Australia:

Due to people giving him stuff, and his grandparents buying him stuff, and more stuff being offered to him from the resort's lost and found department, here's what Sweetums now owns, bucket-and-spade-wise, as of when we left Hawaii:

Crazy ridiculous. What a haul. He really lucked out with a massive amount of freebies, and now his trips to the beach (which will definitely continue, seeing he loved it so much on the holiday) will include a plethora of beach toys to keep him happy.

He truly is spoiled.

But he truly does deserve it.

2. Water-Saving Americans.

Upon entering the resort, one of the first things I noticed was a sign sitting on the kitchen bench that asked us to help conserve water by washing our towels less frequently, putting the dishwasher on low cycle (and only using it when it's full), and blah blah blah ...

But the most commonly-used method (at least where we hail from) was missing, so one of the best ways of saving water was lost. What method am I talking about? The Australian-invented 'half-flush' on the toilet. When it ain't necessary to use a full cistern full of water, why waste it? It's a great invention and a bit annoying that the rest of the world has been so slow to discover this simple but brilliant invention.

Not only did the American resort not take advantage of this essential water-saving device, but here's what the toilet bowl looked like:

I don't know how clear that photo is, but the water level is almost up to the brim of the bowl. And it's a mega-sized bowl. And when it flushes, it goes through approximately 7.8 gallons** of water. It just doesn't stop. It flushes and flushes and flushes. At first I thought the thing was broken, but no. That's how long they continue to flush. It was the same wherever else we went on the islands.


On each and every flush. I couldn't believe it. And they had the cheek to leave a sign on the counter asking us to be water conservationists??!? It boggled my mind.

For a comparison, here's out toilet at home:

(Don't worry; it's clean.)

It's a normal-sized bowl, it has a half-flush option, and the water level is an entirely acceptable, successful, adequate and effective minimal amount (as shown in the photo).

We had a great time on the holiday, and those Americans put on a great spread of wall-to-wall hamburgers for breakfast, lunch and dinner (not to mention the exceptional weather), but the ludicrous nature of the sign when compared to the excessive water wastage in the toilet had me scoffing at them in my mind.

But then, there's no reason to get all high-and-mighty. After all, it's not as if we Aussies have never done anything we might be ashamed of.

* Assuming you only live for about three years or something.

** What the hell is a 'gallon', anyway?!


Monday, March 17, 2008

Hawaii 5-0

We're back!

We arrived home safely last night and drove down from Sydney, leaving at 5pm and arriving here at 4am. I've been asleep all day today to catch up, and will be returning to work tomorrow morning.

I have to say, our dear sweet little boy is the most beautiful soul in the world ... but on this occasion, during the ten-hour flight from Honolulu to Sydney, he suddenly -- and for the first time in his life -- turned into this little monster:

It was terrible. An utter nightmare. He screamed the whole flight long, and nothing we did would placate him. True, the flight went for the duration of his internal clock's "day time" (whereas the flight over there was the duration of his internal clock's "night time", which resulted in him sleeping the whole way), but still. He had a miserable time, and neither Wifey nor myself had much of a blast, either.

But at least we got home safe.

It took forever to get through customs (the good news is that they didn't find our stash), and my brother-in-law was there to pick us up and take us back to my sister's house for a nice afternoon with them and my brother, before Wifey, Sweetums and I hopped in the car and took off down the Hume.

But I still haven't brought you up to speed on the past few days in Hawaii ...

We had one more day in Kauai before flying over to Oahu for our final day of the holiday. We stayed in the Aqua Aloha Surf & Spa, which is just two or three blocks from the world-famous Waikiki Beach. Here are some of the pics we took during the relatively few hours we spent there:

Here are some other random shots from the holiday that I haven't discussed in detail so far:

Two giant gorillas kissing (in profile)

Sweetums having a good time

An interesting way for a fortune teller to
insult her patrons
(click on the image to enlarge
it, and look carefully at the sign on the door)

There are also just a couple of things I still need to say in response to the questions MelbourneGirl asked me (in the comments to this post) concerning my trip. See my reply here for the rest of my answers.

* We didn't have a luau (we intended to, but the day we'd set aside for it was spent 'recovering' in the resort's room after Wifey's stint in hospital). So that was a shame, but it gives us something to do the next time we're there.

* The aforementioned hotel we stayed in, which was just up the road from Waikiki Beach, was lovely. The room was a little small, but we were barely in it ... and when we were, we were very quickly unconscious from exhaustion anyway. It didn't match the resort on Kauai, but it did the trick and the price was right (i.e, cheap).

We left my parents on Kauai for another four or five days, you see (they stayed on the smaller island to celebrate their anniversary alone), so it was just Wifey, Sweetums and myself on Honolulu that last night.

* The weather for the entire time we were in Hawaii (both islands) was exceptional! It couldn't have been more glorious. Absolutely stunning.

Kris, I know you don't live on Hawaii, but as the token regular American reader on this blog, may I contratulate you on the superb job you and your kind presented to us in terms of weather. Well done to the lot of you. :)

* I'd also like to say that I ate better in during the last part of my trip than I did in the first part ... but I can't lie to you lovely people!!

* Finally, MelbourneGirl asked me to procure a kiss for her, from Lost hunk, Josh Holloway. Well, MG, it just so happens that you're in luck. And he's an EXCELLENT kisser. I ran into him on Waikiki Beach, and he was kind enough to pose for a few photos for us so I could pass them on to you. Here they are:

I sure hope you appreciate all the trouble I went to for you! And Josh was very accommodating with his time. Not only was he prepared to travel around with me from location to location for the various photos, but he also found time to get a couple of haircuts between shoots, and brought his wife in on one of them. He signed one (which is odd, because we were using my digital camera), and then took out seven hours of his day to pose for the portrait painting. Talk about giving to your fans!!

If I ever see you in person, MG, I'll be sure to pass on Josh's kiss to you. But in the meantime, I'll keep it for myself. It helps me sleep at nights, all cosey and snuggled.


Okay, gotta go. We've got almost two weeks' worth of Neighbours tapes to catch up on.


Thursday, March 13, 2008

Hawaii Post # 4


Tragedy struck our holiday last night. Wifey's feelings of unwelledness grew into something far more sinister after I'd written last night's post; so much so that we had to take her to hospital for treatment. At first we thought it was morning sickness-related, but when the doctor had a look at her, he determined that it had nothing at all to do with her being pregnant.

Instead it was a bug she'd caught somewhere in Hawaii, which resulted in her having gastorinditus. We were in the emergency room for a few hours, and Wifey had two full bags of IV liquid pumped into her veins. But the stuff inside those bags -- sugar water is my tip -- certainly did the trick, because she's been fine all day today. In fact, she's been even better than she was beforehand.

You can tell from the below pictures just how pale Wifey was looking in the hospital bed (and yes, I was kinda in a bit of trouble from Wifey for taking these photos!). Hehe. Click all images in this post for a larger view.

We only have a couple of days left of our holiday (it's been going slowly, which is wonderful for us, and yet it still couldn't go slowly enough for my liking!), so we're making the most of the time we have left on this beautiful island. Especially not that Wifey's feeling so much better than she was feeling late last night.

Some of us have been enjoying the incredible scenery as we've driven around from place to place, while others in our group have perhaps struggled a little to even stay awake:

And just where have we been heading when we've been doing all this driving? Mostly to shops and beaches. Which brings me to to one of the questions MelbourneGirl asked at the start of the week; namely, which tacky souvenirs we've bought while we've been here. Well, as of this afternoon, here's the tally so far:

What workstation across Australia would be complete without a Jesus Action Figure standing atop the computer terminal and casting a protective eye over the proceedings? Not mine once I get back, I can tell you that much. His 'action figure' status includes 'gliding action' and 'posable arms' (which is great for having him position his arms in a wide, all-encompassing gesture in order to bless his surroundings and give me the upper hand at work). I'm not exactly sure how this qualifies as being worthy of the term 'action figure', but either way it's downright hilarious. It was a toss-up between the Jesus and the Obsessive Compulsive Action Figure. (Although I also had a fondness for the Marie Antoinette Action Figure -- special feature: her head pops off -- and the Casanova Action Figure -- special feature: *CENSORED*.) True, this has nothing whatsoever to do with Hawaii per se, but I found it too good to resist buying on the spot.

How could I possibly not buy an Hawaiian shirt while I'm here? I'll be wearing this to work periodically upon my return and proclaiming it 'Aloha Day'. My initial plan was to get a shirt that was ridiculously loud and abrasive to the eyes ... but in actual fact, I don't think this shirt looks too terrible, when it's all said and done. Naturally it's not something I'd wear every day, but the overall effect of the shirt on my glorious and sexy body isn't anywhere near as gaudy as I expected it to be.

I acknowledge that this is another bizarre choice for a 'souvenir', but it was bought more out of necessity for the practicality of the item, rather than any feeling that it particularly reminds me of Hawaii as such. I'm always in need of a toothpick after a meal (especially after eating meat), so dining out at restaurants as often as we have this week has really escalated the need for me to do something about it. Option 1 is to visit a dentist (pfft, yeah right!), but Option 2 is to carry some toothpicks with me at all times in a handy little carry case like this.

You may recall that it was my Dad's 60th birthday shortly before we boarded the plane from Sydney, and with everything that was going on, we didn't get a chance to buy him a present. So when we saw this T-shirt in Honolulu, we knew it'd be the perfect gift for him. The idea that it'll double as a reminder/souvenir of his Hawaii holiday with his first grandchild is an added bonus.

I don't think there were any other crappy souvenirs ... at least not so far. I may not have a chance to blog again until we get home; in which case I'll update you on the end of our trip (including our final day in Honolulu) in a few days. Until then ...



Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Hawaii Post # 3


I have to say, we're having an absolutely wonderful time here. The weather is totally stunning, and doing almost nothing other than relaxing on the beach or by the pool is a glorious way to spend the week.

Here's a couple of shots of Sweetums enjoying his new bucket and spade set that Wifey and I bought him. These shots were taken yesterday at the local beach at Poipu. So beautiful -- it was actually quite a stunning day all round.

Click all images in this post for a larger view.

And here's my little man - complete with tongue in cheek - enjoying some time in the water with his doting Daddy:

Today we all went for a drive to see Waimea Canyon, which was about an hour's drive west of where we're staying. The trip was fun enough, but the best part was the view that awaited us when we got there:

Wifey (with lots of sunscreen on her face)
overlooking Waimea Canyon in Kauai, Hawaii.

We had a great time, although Wifey hasn't been feeling very well this evening. We're not sure what's going on, but she's pretty darn sick, actually. Hopefully this won't worsen or even remain as it is for the rest of our holiday, because that'd really spoil her time away.

Looking forward to more fun and wonderment on the morrow!



Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Hawaii Post # 2


Well, here we are a few days after the previous post, so clearly I must have heaps to report on, right??


All we've done for the past three days is shop, swim, lounge around and eat.


(Alright, I'll stop yelling at you now.)

Actually, I guess I could show you a couple of carefully-selected photos from the trip so far, as long as we don't show anything too drastic ... like the photo (which you won't be seeing) of yours truly dressed up in my Borat 'mankini', swimming in the resort's pool -- much to the amusement of those around us, and the horror of my poor dear mother.

However, Grandma and Grandpa bought Sweetums a swimming outfit, complete with thongs (otherwise known as flip-flops, jandals, etc, depending on where you mail from), hat and cool little dark sunglasses. Sweetums absolutley loves his new 'sunnies', and wears them with complete and total 'attitude', as befits the tiny hunk that he is.

Want proof?

Click image for a larger view (you know you want to).

There's not much else to report at this point, aside from the fact that I'm the only one in our little troupe who's just loving American cuisine -- I always have and I always will -- so it's a good thing that my dear friend MelbourneGirl has left me a series of questions to answer ... some of which may be redundant as of my previous post, but I'll answer them all for her anyway, because that's just the kind of guy I am:


1. how was it?

So far so good! Hopefully these posts will help to elaborate on this answer as the week unfolds.

2. did you get my kiss from joshy boy?

Not yet, but we've still got another full day and night to spend on Oahu, so you'll have to wait and see! ...

3. can you tell us which island? o'ahu?

You've probably already gathered from the previous post (and my previous answer) that we spent one day in Oahu, then we're staying here on Kauai for five or six days before returning to Oahu for one final day and night.

4. if not, which?

Um, ... are you demented, woman??! Kauai! Pay attention!!

5. where did you stay can you tell us? i only ask because we were on o'ahu in november, and we stayed at ewa beach it was nice

The Point at Poipu while on Kauai; Aqua Aloha Surf (see here for an external shot) for the one night we'll be spending in Oahu (which is three blocks from Waikiki beach). The resort here in Kauai is absolutely glorious; utterly to die for ... I'll update you on Aloha Surf at the end of the week.

6. did sweetums enjoy his bucket and spade FINALLY?

He's used them a bit at the lagoon-style swimming pool here at the resort, but their 'sand' is really nothing more than very fine pebbles, so it doesn't exactly hold shape when using the bucket and spade stuff. We're off to visit the actual beach tomorrow (we've been taking it too easy to have bothered heading out that way yet -- and we haven't been in any rush anyway), so I'll let you know.

7. what el cheapo and tackoid souvenirs did you buy?

Hehe ... none yet to speak of, but they'll be coming! I've already seen some items I plan to buy later on, so they'll be fully documented here.

8. how was the weather?

So far, it's been perfect!!! Couldn't have been any better at all. Sunny and warm and clear skies and wonderful.

9. what did you eat? sushi?

Nah; it's been nothing but burgers and fries for me, meal after meal. :)

10. did you go to a luau? which one??

Not yet, but I'm hoping to get Wifey to one when we return to Honolulu, if not before. I've been to one with my family when we visited Hawaii in the 80s, so it's really only Wifey who absolutely has to attend one. But yes, it's a priority for me to take her to one. And Sweetums, too, if he's aware of what's going on.


Okay, that's it for me for today. I've got some postcards to send back home (the one to my workplace simply reads: "I'm in Hawaii. You're not."), so I need to get moving.



Sunday, March 09, 2008

Hawaii Post # 1


So Wifey, Sweetums, my Mum & Dad and myself arrived in Hawaii this morning, on the island of Oahu (which is kinda what you need to do, as that's where Honolulu is located and if you want to fly international -- which again, as a series of islands, Hawaii kinda demands that you do -- then Oahu it is), and we spent the day there.

I say 'there' because as I type this, it's evening on the first night of our stay, and we're already on a different island. Just try to stop us!!

We're now on Kauai (pronounced almost the same as 'Hawaii', but with a K, obviously). Here, let me help you get your bearings:

Click all images in this post for a larger view.

So there we were, on the second island from the top/left, and now here we are, on the island on the very top/left.

It's lovely here. What can I say? We're having a wonderful time already, and even the ten-hour flight from Sydney was good (Sweetums got some good rest because it was his normal 'night time' anyway. It was also great having Grandma and Grandpa there to help share the 'baby sleeping on your lap' thing.

I should probably point out before I continue that my Dad's surprise 60th birthday party last night (was it really last night? It feels so long ago, now!) went off without a hitch. He didn't suspect a thing leading up to it, and it was a really fun night for everyone involved.

Then the next morning, which was Saturday morning, we all recovered a bit, spent some time together, I posted the previous item about my flight number being 815 (it actually wasn't, but let's make a deal: you allow me the fun of extending some literary licence in this matter, and I won't spoil the magic for you by fessing up that our flight number was J3), then we boarded the plane that evening. Ten hours later in the air, and we landed at 8am the same day (Saturday), before doin' stuff all over Oahu and then catching our flight here to Kauai.

So what's the 'stuff' we did on Oahu today? Well, we had breakfast at a little cafe in downtown Honolulu, which ended up being one frequently frequented by Aussies and Kiwis (we noticed halfway through our meal that they had Australian and NZ flags on the walls behind the counter). Then Grandma and Grandpa took Sweetums sightseeing along the coast for a few hours in our rental car, while Wifey and I indulged ourselves with a tour of the better-known filming locations for Lost. Here's the main one they push onto the tourists, despite it pretty much only featuring in one episode early on in the series:

Hurley's Golf Course.
(We don't know who that woman is, and no, it's not Wifey.)

But the scenery itself was amazing and wonderful -- and honestly made you think you were on the island from the show (it feels like you're there because the backgrounds are all identical to the ones Jack and co. always stand in front of.

So now we're here in the resort that we'll be staying in for the week (The Point at Poipu -- check out the revolving images of the incredible lagoon-style swimming pool!), and it's absolutely lovely so far.

Wifey is doing well, she was even okay with both flights, so the trip was even bearable for the pregnant one in our midst.

Tomorrow we plan to do a bit of shopping, maybe take a swim in that amazing pool, and generally take it easy ... you know, because we can.



Saturday, March 08, 2008

Should I Be Worried??

Should I be worried that the flight number for our trip to Hawaii (where they film the TV show Lost), which leaves tonight from Sydney (the same city from which the doomed flight originated on the aforementioned TV show Lost) is '815' (the same flight number on the aforementioned doomed flight on the aforementioned aforementioned TV show Lost)?

'Cos I'm kinda nervous ...

What if life imitates art and we wind up dead on some deserted island somewhere, or if we crash into the water and drown? Or - worse yet - what if we end up being hunted down by a group of crazies, determined to keep the secrets of their magical little island all to themselves??

What if we don't get the chance to tell everyone our news that Wifey's pregnant again?

(Oh yeah, Wifey's pregnant again. She's due 1st October.)

Oops, I did it again!


Friday, March 07, 2008


I'm off to Hawaii for a week and a bit (starting tomorrow), so I'll hopefully be appearing in the background of an upcoming episode of Lost (I'll be the one wearing green felt and flippers).

Don't miss me too much -- and don't get too jealous, if you can help it -- but I'm planning to do 'bugger all' on the beach this week ... with my parents, my wife and my ever-delightful son.

Enjoy your week!


Tuesday, March 04, 2008


Do you think it's wrong to write on a colleague's farewell card (when she's leaving to have a baby), "I hope you have as much fun raising your child as you did making it"??

Perhaps it simply implies that I know too much ...