Regrets - Here They Be

Here are the Ten Regrets of my life:


1. I regret never being tagged on my blog. Not once. (Poofs.) In all the tagging games that've gone on around me, I've sat here patiently, waiting my turn ... but no. Everyone's more interested in everyone else but me. Fair enough, I s'pose. I can be pretty two-dimensional. OR SO YOU'RE ALL THINKING! YOU DON'T KNOW ME! YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL!!

Ahem, sorry about that momentary lapse in deportment. Where was I? Oh yes.

YOU'RE ALL A PACK OF ARROGANT BAST-- sorry, no. I was going to say this: I may not be quite the dullard you could be assuming I am. I might surprise you, y'know. And if not, well done, clap clap, who's a clever boy then, have yourself a biscuit.

The point is, I'm going to have to take it upon myself to do my own thing here. If I chose to tag people, I certainly won't choose YOU.

(Actually, is it possible to "regret" not being tagged? Surely that's just disappointment, rather than a regret? It's not something I could control, so I couldn't have altered it by doing or not-doing anything. Still, I regret not speaking up about it before now. And I regret being made to feel this insignificant. And I regret being such a girl about it.)

2. I regret my speech as groom at my wedding reception. I only had one shot at it. And I did very well, considering. But I forgot to mention my best man. Horror of horrors, it shames me to this day, and I still feel the cold icy chill of shame and regret race down my spine, whenever I think of it. I expect I always will. He'd done such a great job, delivered such a brilliant speech, and I'd thanked every-frickin-body-else for coming and doing their bit ... it was such a glaring oversight, it's amazing people didn't boo as I started to wind it up (although I'd been talking for 40 minutes by that point* ...). Allow me to point out, however, that Wifey had just surprised the pants off me** when making her speech moments before and heading up to the band to perform her surprise song that she'd written for me! So I was just slightly dazed and speechless after the emotional high of hearing such a beautiful song sung to me by my new beautiful bride. Also, let it be known that I thanked the four groomsmen (which included the best man), and when I intended to lead in to thanking the best man specifically, I was sidetracked by something and lost my place in my notes. Still, it does nothing to quell the pain.

3. I regret that I didn't put enough money on those failed eBay bids on rare Muppet collectibles as I clearly needed to, if I was going to win them. Letting them slip by me was a devasting blow, and I may never see their like again.

4. I regret that I had a miserable Year 10 and was so unimaginatively ridiculed without rhyme or reason (none that was fair, anyway), that there was nothing I could do to stop it. So I took it, 'secure' in the knowledge that they were the real idiots for believing lies about my supposed stupidity. Little did I know the deep scarring all the bullying was doing to me. I wish I could have set the meatheads straight on their gross misjudgements of me, because now - when the realisation of its damage has dawned on me - it's way too little way too late. Although I could say they were the poorer ones for not getting to know me first and making up their own minds about me, that's not really accurate, is it. They honestly don't care and had laughs at my expense, and I'm the one who's still writing about it in a list of regrets on the Internet.

5. I regret taking Roaccutane as a teen to 'clear up' the cystic acne I had on my back, shoulders and neck. (Nice, I know. Try living it.) It was a whole new kind of torture and ostracization (if that's a real word - which I know it's not). It left me with bad scars and skin tissue from which I now grow long, unruly hair. But it's better than if I hadn't taken the stuff, I guess. It would have spread to my face or something. Or lasted a lot longer and left me with way worse scars. But the unstoppable 45-minute nose-bleeds at the time and the premature balding at 28 were things I could have done without.

6. I regret not having properly mourned Nanna's passing.

7. I regret treating my sister with contempt when we were growing up.

8. I regret not having changed jobs at some point since I finished uni. Something. Anything. Except teaching. I regret not having made it as a writer or film-maker. Or even as an actor, even though Cotton's experiences often make me glad I let that particular dream waft away when it did (not necessary never-to-return, though - I've never bolted that door).

9. I regret not even having ten regrets in life.



* Not really. It was more like 50 minutes.

** Not literally. At least not for a few hours yet.