I Blogged Myself

Why do you always come here? I guess we'll never know. It's like a kind of torture, To read this blog, y'know.

Welcome to the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppetational blog since Kermit left just a little bit of the swamp in his pants.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Cool Cat

It's cool to be a cat, to be a cat ...

I like this guy's attitude. My cats are this cool (but they're not tabbies). One day I'll do a post on my cats (sorry, all you cat-haters), and you'll get to see the beauty of my adorable little furry friends.

In the meantime, check it:


Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Ten Things I Hate About Youse All

I'm creating another meme. Don't hate me. Tell me the ten things you most hate in other people. Here are mine to start us off:

1. Brought vs bought - When saying you brought something with you, make sure you remember your Rs (hehe, sounds like 'arse'). There's a world of difference between saying, "I bought this up with me" and "I brought this up with me". The latter means you carried an item up the stairs with you - while the former means you purchased it up with you, which frankly makes no sense at all, you gigantic moron. Numerous friends of mine make this 'bought' mistake, and it makes them sound downright uneducated and stupid (although I sometimes wonder if they're doing it deliberately to see if/when I'll snap -- newsflash: it'll be really soon, you ignorant goofballs). Commercial radio DJs Marty Sheargold (now from Triple M's breakfast show in Sydney) and Hamish Blake & Andy Lee (from Fox FM and its various Austereo partners' drive show) are all guilty of saying it CONSTANTLY, and it drives me nuts.

2. Haitch - This is the WRONG way to pronounce the eighth letter of the alphabet. The letter H. It is pronounced "aitch". There is only one H in the letter H, and it's at the end - not the beginning! If you say "haitch", it's best that you find out about this now: Everybody else is laughing at you cos you still haven't mastered a pre-school word.

3. Texting / talking on phone while driving - It gets me really angry to see people behind the wheel, driving along the road, holding their mobile phone up to their ear and chatting away. THIS IS AGAINST THE LAW FOR A REASON, NUMBNUTS. People are killed and maimed on the roads – not to mention the hundreds of minor accidents where the only damage is to the cars involved – thanks to idiots like you having only one hand on the wheel and a small fragment of your already retarded brain capacity concentrating on the road. People who drive while texting are equally irresponsible and invoking the anger of the gods (ie. me when I see you not paying attention to where you’re going). If it takes someone’s death to get you to realise why this law exists, it’s going to be too late for some poor innocent soul. What makes you tools think you’re above the law and don’t need to be careful? Sometimes I have no sympathy for the driver who’s full of remorse only after they’ve ploughed someone down and watched them die. What will it take to get people like this to pull over before speaking on their phones or texting their mates?

4. Changing lanes without indicating - This is another ridiculously obvious and ridiculously dangerous but ridiculously common thing that happens on the road. I can’t emphasise strongly enough the stupidity at play here when someone moves from one lane into another without using their indicator. Especially when there’s three lanes of traffic and the idiot driver is moving from one of the side lanes into the middle – there’s a whole other lane there of drivers who may be doing the same thing from the other side, you moron! There’s a REASON you’re meant to indicate! Just because YOU know what you intend to do when changes lanes and where you plan to go, doesn’t mean anyone ELSE knows what you’re thinking. More than that, you don’t know what OTHER DRIVERS around you are planning to do, either. So if you AND another driver were to move from the left and the right lane into the middle lane without indicating … YOU’D GET WHAT YOU BLOODY WELL DESERVE! There are a lot of wackos out there on the roads (there’s even a couple inside my head!), so assuming that everyone knows what’s going on in your mind is plain dumb. Assuming you know what’s going on in other people’s minds is even plain dumber. And assuming other drivers aren’t going to get a fright when a car swerves into their lane without using their indicator is the plain dumberest thing ever.

5. Queue-jumpers - If a group of people are lined up waiting (whether in a post office, supermarket or even lined up in their cars waiting to turn left), it’s the HEIGHT OF RUDENESS to push in at the front of the queue. What do you think you’re doing? You’re telling everyone that your time is more important than anyone else’s – and that’s the most arrogant and infuriating thing you could say to a group of strangers. If they’ve been lining up for a few minutes (or a couple of hours), then what makes you think you have the right to jump in and make them wait even longer?! They aren’t waiting in line for the fun of it – they’ve earned their spot in the queue by putting in the time waiting. You can’t come along and decide to squeeze in between people at the last minute. It’s really rude and gets me very angry when people do this.

6. Yawning without covering your mouth - Yawning is contagious. We all know that. So when you yawn without covering your mouth, not only are you sealing the fate of anyone who happened to be watching you, but you’re making us watch your saliva-filled mouth cavity stretch open – and that’s not a pleasant image, I don’t care WHAT your mother told you. Sometimes it also sets off a feral stench that offends whoever you’re talking to, if you happen to be in need of a breath mint. Additionally, those of you who make noises when you yawn don’t seem to realise that you’re drawing inappropriate attention to yourself and helping others who weren’t watching you catch the contagious yawning frenzy. That’s not very nice of you, is it. Yawn silently, and behind your hand, you dirty grub. And chew some gum … your breath stinks.

7. Phlegming while I'm eating - If there’s one thing that’s guaranteed to put me off my food while I’m eating, it’s when people nearby start hacking up phlegm from the back of their throat or through their nasal passages. Spitting it out is even worse, but just the grotty gargle noise of liquid snot being hacked through the nose, throat and into the mouth is enough to make my stomach turn. Maybe I’m overly-sensitive, but either way that noise is repulsive – and any human being who’s even HALF as considerate as they ought to be would know not to do that in public, let alone when people within earshot are eating.

8. Discussing the ending to movies and TV shows in my presence - This is obviously a big no-no for the likes of me. I am meticulous about not saying anything about movies and TV shows to people who might not have seen them yet if the stuff I’m going to say would spoil their experience of it. That’s not just the ‘final twist’ part, either (if applicable). I put myself in the shoes of the person seeing the thing for the first time, and know that there are plenty of parts along the way that would also be spoilt by me saying too much beforehand. So when someone is thoughtless enough to spoil endings and stuff for me, I get quite mad. Why can’t people think before they speak? Or at least check if I’ve seen The Crying Game before you say “that girl who was actually a guy all along”.

9. Misspellings / poor grammar in ads - This happens a lot. Almost every ad on television has misspellings, and most radio ads have poor grammar. It irks me incredibly, because I’m in the advertising profession (kinda), and I take great care in my work. Am I the only one? Honestly, it would appear so. That annoying Vista Blinds woman with the massive arm gestures who’s so cheerful about Vista being cheaper than their competition that she’s scary actually says “It doesn’t matter what they say, Vista are still cheaper” when she should be saying “Vista is still cheaper”. Vista is one company, not two or more. Get a clue, meatheads. And that’s just one of a myriad ads that constantly GET THINGS WRONG. I have often considered starting up a new blog dedicated entirely to the errors on ads on Australian TV, but it’d take up 25 hours of every day, so who has the time? (Literally no one.)

10. Memes - Hehe, ain't I a stinker? Well, too bad – I start ‘em up and send ‘em out. Hopefully this one will catch on a little. They don’t all have to be long rants like this one was.

I hereby tag Pomgirl, Sublime-ation and Gigglewick. Feel free to self-tag as well, if you like (leave a comment to let me know). The three I've tagged can also decline if they wish; I ain't their mothers.


Monday, May 28, 2007

Miss Me?

Hello, lovely blogger-type people. My apologies for my tardiness. I have been very lax in my communications with y'all, and I feel terrible for it. However, I have some good reasons for my recent AWOLness, and would like to share them with you now, if you don't mind. Pull up a chair.

It's been an interesting time at work recently. My supervisor's been overseas on holiday, and one of the staff members I supervise has been in hospital having surgery. Thankfully she's going to be alright and it's all good, but it means that the other girl I supervise (and myself) are the only people left in the department at the moment - and will continue to be so for the next month or so.

Of course, all four jobs need to keep moving, and there’s just the two of us left to do them. Which means we’re stretched a bit thin. And when the girl I supervise who's at home recovering from surgery is the editor of a monthly publication (which still has to meet its deadlines), I have to step up (or step down, as the case may literally be) and help fill those shoes to ensure that the magazine we produce still hits the shelves on the publication date.

It wasn’t easy. In fact, it was a bit of a battle. But it was fun. And we made it. Usually I have very little to do with the magazine when it’s put out – I’ll generally proofread it before it goes to print and sometimes get involved in artistic and creative topics when future themes, concepts and processes are being discussed, but the hands-on writing and editing is handled by the two girls I supervise. This month, however, I was thrust deep into the nitty-gritty goings-on of the writing and editing schedules. And I had to handle the advertising as well (and that’s quite a job in itself, let me tell you).

Well, I loved it. I had a great time, and (just quietly) we think that it’s one of the better editions of the past twelve months. Biased? Sure. But accurate? Yep, we reckon so.

To say much more would be to unmask myself and enable you sneaky lot to track me down and discover all my little secrets, so I’ll leave it at that (and those of you who know me in real life, please say no more about my workplace, etc), but although all my time was taken up writing articles and editing the entire magazine (as well as managing the advertising, liaising with the designer, proofreading the whole document and getting the files to the printer on time for publication), it was still a lot of fun and something I believe I’m very much suited to. I even inserted a small ‘BEVISism’ into the magazine, although it’s only there for those in the know to find and be amused in their own private Idaho world.

I get another month of it as well, so sometime around mid-June may see me go all quiet again. My apologies in advance (but I’ll be back).

The other main reason is that Wifey is going on teaching rounds next week – for three weeks. Due to the school she’s been placed in, she’ll be living with her parents “down the coast” – and taking Sweetums with her. This is so they can mind him during the day while she’s at the school and I’m at work. So I get to live like a bachelor again for THREE WHOLE WEEKS!!

She’s actually there at the moment. She’s doing an additional two days at the school (today and tomorrow), so Sweetums is already with his Grandad and Nanna while Wifey fretfully tests the water in her very first teaching rounds ever.

She’ll do so well at it, though – she’s a natural and very gifted talking with kids – so I’m not worried about her.

Sweetums loves Grandad and Nanna and won’t give them any trouble – so I’m not worried about any of them, either.

I’m worried about me.

Wifey’s only away for two days this week, but check out the freezer after I went grocery shopping yesterday:

Top left: Five little pizzas, all in a row.
Bachelorhood rules! It’s the new slice of life.

I can’t imagine what it’ll look like when she goes away for three weeks! Conveniently, those three weeks line up EXACTLY with the deadline weeks of the next month’s magazine I’m co-writing and co-editing … so I imagine I’ll be in good health when I return to you all in the later stages of June!

Thanks for hanging in there with me, and bear in mind that I’m not going anywhere for a while yet.


Monday, May 14, 2007

Mum's The Word

Happy Mother's Day to Mums (and even Moms) the world over.

Wifey had a lovely first Mother's Day yesterday. Sweetums woke her up with breakfast in bed (she got to order her meal from a specially written menu he'd prepared for her), and then he gave her a present. The card attached was home-made, and this is what it said on the front:

"To the best Mum in the world!"

Each letter was coloured in a different colour. Then inside, it said:

"Dear Mummy, Have a lovely first Mother's Day! Lots of love always, Sweetums."

Sweetums actually signed his name himself (with a little help from Daddy), so his scribbled attempt at writing his own name really added to the 'sweetness' of it. And his hand prints filled the centre of the card - bright blue paint on a yellow card, with "Sweetums, aged 7 months" written underneath his paw prints.

He gave his Mummy a lot of extra hugs and kisses yesterday, and Daddy took care of all the baby-handling duties for the entire day, giving Mummy a rest.

Today, of course, it was business as usual.


Thursday, May 10, 2007

The Muppet Show Season Two - Release Date!

Well, good news for everyone.

(By which I mean "me".)

Disney has finally confirmed a release date for the second season boxset of The Muppet Show! In the US, the boxset is currently scheduled for a 7th August 2007 release. If they stick to that date, that's just TWELVE DAYS before my birthday.

Plenty of time for a pre-ordered copy to be sent to Australia by Priority Global Express Ltd.*

Riss, consider yourself on notice.

Advanced cover artwork (subject to change)
for The Muppet Show Season Two boxset

Some special features are included (you can read more for yourself here if you want), and the front of the box is expected to have the same 'felt' covering that the ordained the season one boxset. That time is was Kermit's chest you were purportedly touching; this time it will be Piggy's nose.

The Muppet Show Season One boxset

I'm very excited by this news, but I'm not counting Gonzo and his amazing chickens just yet. The date may be put back, the cover design my vary, the special features may be dropped, the limited release 'felt' cover idea may be abandoned, or it just may not be released at all.

There's still plenty that could go wrong with this, but for now ... I'm just going to spend the day humming happily to myself in the knowledge that "things look good".

* I made that company name up.


Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Pulp Muppets

This is the funniest - and most clever - thing I've seen in quite a while.

It's the trailer to Tarantino's film Pulp Fiction, but someone's put an AWFUL lot of work into superimposing the faces of collectible Muppet figurines onto the faces of the actors in the clip.

"Hi-ho, and welcome to The Muppet Show, you son of a *****."

It's highly amusing. Check it out by going to this link (the above image won't play the video, so you might as well stop trying to click on the play button, fool).


Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Welcome, From Around The World

Okay, this is a serious one. I need to find a whole list of different languages' translations of the word 'Welcome' (with the equivalent of the capital W included). It's for my work, and the only ones I've been able to find online are the following:

Chinese (simple)
Chinese (traditional)
English - actually, I didn't have to search online for this one!

So I thought, "Who better to help me but my worldwide readership and generally intelligent bunch of super-brains who visit my blog every day?!" (That includes you.)

Below is the list of languages I'm still looking for. Are you able to help?

If the answer can't be typed into the comments (I'd need any accents or 'unusual' characters to be visible, you see), please send me an email instead, perhaps with the translated word in a Microsoft Word document or something (whatever's convenient - as long as I can copy-and-paste it into my own list at this end).

My email address is:


Please make sure you identify which language/s you're helping me with!

I'd be EXTREMELY appreciative of any help you could give me for the following dialects:

Burmese (Chin)
Burmese (Karen)
Burmese (Poe Karen)
Burmese (other?)
Chinese (Cantonese)
Chinese (Mandarin)
Filipino (Tagalog)
Indian (Talague)
Indian (Hindi)
Indian (Tamil)
Cambodian (Khmer)
Slavic (Russian)
Sudanese (Nuel)
Sudanese (Dinka)
West Papuan

Do you know any of these? Could you help out a non-multilingual moron?

Thank you!


Tuesday, May 01, 2007

"May Day! May Day!"

... or as Red Dwarf once said ...

"Shrove Tuesday! Shrove Tuesday!"

(Sorry - I just thought I had to share that.)