I Blogged Myself

Why do you always come here? I guess we'll never know. It's like a kind of torture, To read this blog, y'know.

Welcome to the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppetational blog since Kermit left just a little bit of the swamp in his pants.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Ten Things I Hate About Youse All

I'm creating another meme. Don't hate me. Tell me the ten things you most hate in other people. Here are mine to start us off:

1. Brought vs bought - When saying you brought something with you, make sure you remember your Rs (hehe, sounds like 'arse'). There's a world of difference between saying, "I bought this up with me" and "I brought this up with me". The latter means you carried an item up the stairs with you - while the former means you purchased it up with you, which frankly makes no sense at all, you gigantic moron. Numerous friends of mine make this 'bought' mistake, and it makes them sound downright uneducated and stupid (although I sometimes wonder if they're doing it deliberately to see if/when I'll snap -- newsflash: it'll be really soon, you ignorant goofballs). Commercial radio DJs Marty Sheargold (now from Triple M's breakfast show in Sydney) and Hamish Blake & Andy Lee (from Fox FM and its various Austereo partners' drive show) are all guilty of saying it CONSTANTLY, and it drives me nuts.

2. Haitch - This is the WRONG way to pronounce the eighth letter of the alphabet. The letter H. It is pronounced "aitch". There is only one H in the letter H, and it's at the end - not the beginning! If you say "haitch", it's best that you find out about this now: Everybody else is laughing at you cos you still haven't mastered a pre-school word.

3. Texting / talking on phone while driving - It gets me really angry to see people behind the wheel, driving along the road, holding their mobile phone up to their ear and chatting away. THIS IS AGAINST THE LAW FOR A REASON, NUMBNUTS. People are killed and maimed on the roads – not to mention the hundreds of minor accidents where the only damage is to the cars involved – thanks to idiots like you having only one hand on the wheel and a small fragment of your already retarded brain capacity concentrating on the road. People who drive while texting are equally irresponsible and invoking the anger of the gods (ie. me when I see you not paying attention to where you’re going). If it takes someone’s death to get you to realise why this law exists, it’s going to be too late for some poor innocent soul. What makes you tools think you’re above the law and don’t need to be careful? Sometimes I have no sympathy for the driver who’s full of remorse only after they’ve ploughed someone down and watched them die. What will it take to get people like this to pull over before speaking on their phones or texting their mates?

4. Changing lanes without indicating - This is another ridiculously obvious and ridiculously dangerous but ridiculously common thing that happens on the road. I can’t emphasise strongly enough the stupidity at play here when someone moves from one lane into another without using their indicator. Especially when there’s three lanes of traffic and the idiot driver is moving from one of the side lanes into the middle – there’s a whole other lane there of drivers who may be doing the same thing from the other side, you moron! There’s a REASON you’re meant to indicate! Just because YOU know what you intend to do when changes lanes and where you plan to go, doesn’t mean anyone ELSE knows what you’re thinking. More than that, you don’t know what OTHER DRIVERS around you are planning to do, either. So if you AND another driver were to move from the left and the right lane into the middle lane without indicating … YOU’D GET WHAT YOU BLOODY WELL DESERVE! There are a lot of wackos out there on the roads (there’s even a couple inside my head!), so assuming that everyone knows what’s going on in your mind is plain dumb. Assuming you know what’s going on in other people’s minds is even plain dumber. And assuming other drivers aren’t going to get a fright when a car swerves into their lane without using their indicator is the plain dumberest thing ever.

5. Queue-jumpers - If a group of people are lined up waiting (whether in a post office, supermarket or even lined up in their cars waiting to turn left), it’s the HEIGHT OF RUDENESS to push in at the front of the queue. What do you think you’re doing? You’re telling everyone that your time is more important than anyone else’s – and that’s the most arrogant and infuriating thing you could say to a group of strangers. If they’ve been lining up for a few minutes (or a couple of hours), then what makes you think you have the right to jump in and make them wait even longer?! They aren’t waiting in line for the fun of it – they’ve earned their spot in the queue by putting in the time waiting. You can’t come along and decide to squeeze in between people at the last minute. It’s really rude and gets me very angry when people do this.

6. Yawning without covering your mouth - Yawning is contagious. We all know that. So when you yawn without covering your mouth, not only are you sealing the fate of anyone who happened to be watching you, but you’re making us watch your saliva-filled mouth cavity stretch open – and that’s not a pleasant image, I don’t care WHAT your mother told you. Sometimes it also sets off a feral stench that offends whoever you’re talking to, if you happen to be in need of a breath mint. Additionally, those of you who make noises when you yawn don’t seem to realise that you’re drawing inappropriate attention to yourself and helping others who weren’t watching you catch the contagious yawning frenzy. That’s not very nice of you, is it. Yawn silently, and behind your hand, you dirty grub. And chew some gum … your breath stinks.

7. Phlegming while I'm eating - If there’s one thing that’s guaranteed to put me off my food while I’m eating, it’s when people nearby start hacking up phlegm from the back of their throat or through their nasal passages. Spitting it out is even worse, but just the grotty gargle noise of liquid snot being hacked through the nose, throat and into the mouth is enough to make my stomach turn. Maybe I’m overly-sensitive, but either way that noise is repulsive – and any human being who’s even HALF as considerate as they ought to be would know not to do that in public, let alone when people within earshot are eating.

8. Discussing the ending to movies and TV shows in my presence - This is obviously a big no-no for the likes of me. I am meticulous about not saying anything about movies and TV shows to people who might not have seen them yet if the stuff I’m going to say would spoil their experience of it. That’s not just the ‘final twist’ part, either (if applicable). I put myself in the shoes of the person seeing the thing for the first time, and know that there are plenty of parts along the way that would also be spoilt by me saying too much beforehand. So when someone is thoughtless enough to spoil endings and stuff for me, I get quite mad. Why can’t people think before they speak? Or at least check if I’ve seen The Crying Game before you say “that girl who was actually a guy all along”.

9. Misspellings / poor grammar in ads - This happens a lot. Almost every ad on television has misspellings, and most radio ads have poor grammar. It irks me incredibly, because I’m in the advertising profession (kinda), and I take great care in my work. Am I the only one? Honestly, it would appear so. That annoying Vista Blinds woman with the massive arm gestures who’s so cheerful about Vista being cheaper than their competition that she’s scary actually says “It doesn’t matter what they say, Vista are still cheaper” when she should be saying “Vista is still cheaper”. Vista is one company, not two or more. Get a clue, meatheads. And that’s just one of a myriad ads that constantly GET THINGS WRONG. I have often considered starting up a new blog dedicated entirely to the errors on ads on Australian TV, but it’d take up 25 hours of every day, so who has the time? (Literally no one.)

10. Memes - Hehe, ain't I a stinker? Well, too bad – I start ‘em up and send ‘em out. Hopefully this one will catch on a little. They don’t all have to be long rants like this one was.

I hereby tag Pomgirl, Sublime-ation and Gigglewick. Feel free to self-tag as well, if you like (leave a comment to let me know). The three I've tagged can also decline if they wish; I ain't their mothers.



At Wednesday, May 30, 2007 2:29:00 pm, Blogger gigglewick said...

you are correct Bevis. I subtly quizzed my mother about the Muppets, and based on her answers I concluded there is no way she and you could be the same person.

At Wednesday, May 30, 2007 2:40:00 pm, Blogger Pomgirl said...

Hahah...you sound like such a grumpy old man! Great meme though, I can't wait to get started :)

At Wednesday, May 30, 2007 2:41:00 pm, Blogger sublime-ation said...

I don't mind this meme, because I hate a lot of things.
I also don't get people who turn without indicating.
I love that your 2 top hates are grammatical ones. No.9 reminds me of my infamous argument way back when about saying 'his family is'. Even though it's comprised of two or more people, a family is considered a unit, like a company. Hey! I've got a pet hate already! People who make me cry by correcting my grammar when it's they who are incorrect.

At Wednesday, May 30, 2007 6:45:00 pm, Blogger gigglewick said...

Also Bevis,

I regularly wail at other drivers

"It's your only way of communicating with other drivers!!!!!!!"

when they change lanes without indicating. It's my number one pet driving hate.

At Wednesday, May 30, 2007 8:46:00 pm, Blogger MelbourneGirl said...

nos. 1, 2 & 9 are so me as well. other things i hate are saying bring instead of take. ie, take it away, bring it here or towards.

can't think of others but there are many. and most of them are language-based.

hey, how are you??

love mrs clokey xx

At Thursday, May 31, 2007 1:53:00 pm, Blogger Rosanna said...

I really love you for starting this meme - it is wonderful, and I thoroughly enjoyed everyone's replies. Although I have to say that your rousing anger at people changing lanes without indicating made me very, very proud. I HATE people who don't indicate. One day I *will* ram into the back of them and they will pay.

At Sunday, June 03, 2007 1:14:00 am, Blogger Ariel said...

I'm so with you on grammar and spelling mistakes in ads (and menus, come to think of it).

And the mobile while driving thing. Can I add to that, cab drivers who talk on their mobiles while driving. It's against the law because it's dangerous and you're paying them to drive and they put you in danger. I know it must get boring driving all day, but come on! It's also hard to give directions when they decide they'll chat the whole ride on their mobile (after asking you to give them directions!!!)

At Wednesday, June 13, 2007 10:57:00 pm, Anonymous Ben said...

I am feelin you.

Not in a bad way.


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