I Blogged Myself

Why do you always come here? I guess we'll never know. It's like a kind of torture, To read this blog, y'know.

Welcome to the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppetational blog since Kermit left just a little bit of the swamp in his pants.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Twenty Things - Tagged At Last!

I was finally tagged last week by that Piratey Know-It-All, Elaine. (I was tagged a second time shortly thereafter - and then again the other night - by two other people, but I will get to them in due course.)

So here are Twenty Things you probably didn't know about me. (Even if you did, just go with it.)

1. I have a younger sister who is a school teacher (the profession I trained in but never took up).

2. I have an even younger brother who is better than I am at everything I ever wanted to do; singing, drumming, acting, etc.

3. I refer to Coke (the drink) as "mother's milk to me", and drink it near-daily. I'm probably going to die in five years by rotting from the inside out.

4. At one point I owned three cats at once - never again.

5. At one point I owned no cats - never again.

6. I have a 97-year-old Grannie who we hope will make it to the big 1-0-0 so we can collect her letter from the Queen. Then Grannie's free to go about her own business and do as she pleases.

7. As well as being a crazy Muppet fan (which you may have noticed), I'm also a massive Buffy fan. I won tickets to see the final two Buffy episodes at the cinemas two weeks before they aired on Australian TV. I dressed up as Spike (which looked strikingly lifelike), and Wifey went as Faith (another striking resemblance).

8. I have a scar on my inner right thigh that I got from a piece of barbed wire. It happened when I was about 10 while walking along the top of a small brick fence that had three strands of barbed wire running above it. I was trying to show off by straddling the wire as I walked along the fenceline - but I cut myself about 5 centimetres wide. Instead of bleeding, I had some leg fat sticking out of it. It was cool ...

9. When my beloved first cat Fluffy (no relation) was killed by a rogue dog in our backyard overnight when I was three, and my mum had to tell me the next morning that he was in heaven, I was devastated. She was dreading having to tell me that Fluffy was dead, and I remember standing there in the hallway and saying to her softly, "Mummy, my heart is very sad", which caused her to break down.

10. I was President of my university's drama company for a record-setting two years ... and I ruled at it :)

11. It might not seem like such a stretch from The Muppets, but I'm a huge Disney fan as well. I know there are many anti-Disney sentiments out there, but I'm not one of those people at all. Wifey's a fan too. We currently have 52 animated Disney DVDs, and we have every intention of getting 'the rest of them' over time, despite how many I know that is. (I still find this very amusing, though.)

12. I had secret piano lessons in the six months leading up to my wedding day, so that I could perform a secret song to Wifey during the wedding ceremony (which I'd written for her). It came as a complete surprise to all but the band members who accompanied me. Nice moment.

13. No matter how much of a hurry I'm in, I can never pass a doughnut shop or book shop without stopping and going inside. In the case of the doughnut shop, I will usually end up buying something even if I probably shouldn't, and in the case of the book shop, I usually end up spending an hour or two browsing, sometimes culminating in me buying something I definitely shouldn't! (If it's a second-hand book shop, say good-bye to the whole afternoon!)

14. I once found a turtle in the gutter of our very-residential street as a kid, took him home, named him Tiny Tim, and dutifully looked after him for two or three days. He lived in our bathtub and was very happy (although that's just how I remember it as a kid - in hindsight, I think the poor thing was probably petrified out of its mind!). After three days, Mum had had enough of it preventing me from having a bath, so the RSPCA was called and Tiny Tim was taken away. Dad said he probably 'fell of the back of a truck', which was a term I hadn't heard before so I took it at face value and grew up imagining this little turtle somehow falling off the back of a truck in downtown suburbia. It was a perplexing mental image to grow up with, and it wasn't until I thought about it again many years later that I realised what Dad had meant.

15. Still on the subject of pets, at one point in my childhood I had two cats (a wonderfully friendly black one and a misbehaving white one - imaginatively called Sooty and Snowy), and I loved them both - although at that point, Snowy was the more personable, so I spent more time with him (being a fickle child). One day when I was about 8, after not seeing Snowy for a while, I asked Dad where Snowy was, to which Dad said that he'd wondered how long it'd be before I'd ask; he'd taken Snowy to the RSPCA two weeks earlier because of his mischievous behaviour. I cried my heart out all night (literally - I got no sleep and neither did my parents) and all the next day (I didn't go to school). Snowy and I had been really close, and I was upset because I hadn't had a chance to say goodbye - but worse than that, I felt terrible about not realising or noticing his absence for two weeks! I can understand my parents having to get rid of him, though. He used to use his claws to pick the lock on the back sliding flyscreen door (!), come inside and eat the chicken that was defrosting on the counter for dinner. Houdini's cat. I still don't get why my parents didn't tell me what they'd done either in advance or at least in the two weeks that passed before I finally wondered where Snowy was. (A note on the above point: It wasn't strange not to see the cats for a few days, as they were 100% 'outdoor cats' and our property ran adjacent to a huge paddock of unused land - complete with metre-high grass - so sometimes we'd have dead mice, rabbits, rats, snakes and possums on our back doorstep. They were always disappearing for a while and then returning to lounge around the backyard again. And although I was heartbroken for a while, Snowy's 'abduction' was a blessing in disguise, as it meant that I got to know Sooty again - who had been the family cat for two years prior to Snowy's arrival - and who had taken a back seat to Snowy's attention-grabbing behaviour. Sooty lived until the ripe old age of 18 and became my favourite ever cat (and I love cats! ... but not in a yucky way), and he even became my close friend during those trying teenage years. You know how some pets can fill that void. I was truly blessed to have Sooty when I was growing up, so Snowy's departure helped that to happen.)

16. Amongst some of my friends, I am known as The Cat Whisperer. I can make all domestic cats - no matter how 'feral' you think they are - sit calmly and docilely in my arms. I have the magic touch and all cats love me.

17. My favourite chocolate bar of all time (and there are a lot of them I love!) is Violet Crumble. A close second is chocolate-covered Turkish Delight.

18. My blogger name 'BEVIS' is not pronounced 'Beavis'. If you've been imagining that it sounded like 'Beavis', that makes you 'Butt-Head'. Note the difference in the spelling. 'BEVIS' is pronounced: 'Behh-viss'. 'Be' as in 'beverage', or 'bevy of heavenly beauties'; 'vis' as in 'viscount' or ... um ... that's about it, actually.

19. The little green frog in my blogger image is not - as many of you seem to have assumed, by your comments - Kermit. It's actually his little nephew Robin. He's much smaller and cuter than Kermit. Just like me.

20. I was born and bred ("in a briar patch") in Sydney. I lived there for 16 years and then my family moved down to Melbourne. By the time my family moved back to Sydney, I had embedded myself in Melbourne with friends, a uni course, etc, so I did what I had sworn black-and-blue when I moved down at 16 that I would never do: I opted to stay in Melbourne while my family returned to Sydney. I am ambidextrous in regards to the two cities / states. I prefer neither one to the other and see good and bad points to each. So don't draw me into a Sydney vs Melbourne debate, for I will undoubtedly beat the pants off you with contrary arguments, no matter which city you're supporting. I'm used to arguing for each city and I've heard every complaint about either one known to man. They're both beautiful cities and have different intricacies and foibles. (Brisbane, however, is a hole.)

So there you go. And now, to encourage other bloggers to post some 'stuff' about themselves, because I'd like to know more about them, I tag Djali and Riss and Sheriff of Nothing.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

I Fixed Wifey's Broken Heart

Thanks to those of you who expressed concern over and/or suggested ways to mend Wifey's broken heart.

On Saturday I went down to Bunnings Warehouse (lowest prices are just the beginning) and bought some special araldite two-part glue stuff. It worked a treat!

So now Wifey is very happy again; she can wear her heart on her sleeve around her neck with pride once more.

Many thanks to you all.


Today's post was proudly brought to you by Bunnings Warehouse.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Muppet Question # 8 Answered

MelbourneGirl asked me the following question yesterday:

At Monday, October 24, 2005 10:28:58 AM, MelbourneGirl said...

you may have covered this in a previous posting, in fact i think you did, but what is your real objection to miss piggy? was it she just became too much of a parody?

Well, MelbourneGirl, thank you for asking.

With Miss Piggy, it's certainly not a sexist thing (case in point: please note that Janice the bass guitarist appears on the "LOVE 'EM" list from yesterday's post); I think it's more that she often slowed the story down and was annoying to me as a kid by turning up to singing boring and soppy romantic songs (which she does in The Muppet Movie as well (my favourite all all the Muppet films), but in true Muppet style, there are sight gags throughout to reward the faithful viewers who stick with it!).

Additionally, if she wasn't being a prima donna (never an attractive quality), she was solving her problems with violence (karate-chopping Kermit or whoever was offending her at the time so that they flew clear across the room), and this never appealed to me either, as far as problem-solving techniques go. I always thought she could do with attending anger management classes. :)

Seriously though, I never liked her selfish nature, and was probably too young at first to see that she was a parody (and certainly never knew who actress Peggy Lee was to understand the direct parody there. If you didn't know, that's who she was based on, and they even share the same surname, although Miss Piggy is rarely referred to by her full name, Piggy Lee).

All of that said, though ... I have always been amazed at Frank Oz's talents in voicing Miss Piggy (particularly when she sings a song in her high register, because it's all Frank singing in falsetto!). He also voices Fozzie Bear, Yoda from Star Wars, and characters such as Grover from Sesame Street. (You can tell, because these three examples in particular sound strangely identical if you think about it!)

So in summary, although Miss Piggy irritates me, she's definitely a main player in the cast of wacky characters that make up The Muppets. And if she makes Kermit happy, I'm happy for them both.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Muppet Questions # 6 and # 7 Answered

Adam asked me the following two questions a long, long time ago:

At Tuesday, September 27, 2005 5:15:34 PM, Adam said...

Is there any Muppet characters that you have no interest in? Conversely, are there any characters that made you laugh every time?

Well, Adam, thank you for asking. Sorry it took me so long to get around to answering you.

I'm going to list every Muppet character I can think of, in four different groups that represent how much I do or don't like them:


Rowlf the Dog
The Great Gonzo
Robin the Frog
Kermit the Frog
Rizzo the Rat
Muppet Newsman


Fozzie Bear (although sometimes he irritates me enough to drop him down into the next group - but it's not really his fault; the writers often use him to create problems that can further the plot)
Sgt Floyd Pepper
Dr Teeth
Mahna Mahna


Crazy Harry
Lew Zealand
Miss Piggy
Swedish Chef
Sam the American Eagle
Camilla the Chicken
Dr Bunsen Honeydew
Captain Link Hogthrob
Dr Julius Strangepork
Marvin Suggs
Pepe the King Prawn
Lewis Kazagger (Muppet Sportscaster)
Wayne & Wanda
Bobo the Bear
Bean Bunny
Seymour the Elephant
Johnny Fiama
Sal Manilla the Monkey


Annie Sue
George the Janitor
J P Grosse
The Mutations
Uncle Deadly
Elmer Otter's Jug Band (all of 'em)
Any human-replica Muppet they created (even the ones that parodied Jim Henson, Frank Oz, etc.)
Dr. Phil Van Neuter
Andy & Randy Pig

As you can tell, I'm a bit of a puritan when it comes to the 'new' Muppet characters, although not in every instance. Some of the new characters (introduced in later seasons of The Muppet Show or in Muppets Tonight!) had me very unimpressed, but I still support each regular character as part of the cannon, nonetheless.

So to answer Adam's questions, those in the top two groups always make me smile, and those in the bottom group are the characters I have next-to-no interest in. (Those in the other group don't really register with me either way - but I have no real problem with them).

Specifically: Rowlf, Robin, Sweetums, Animal and Gonzo will generally make me laugh (or will at least bring a smile to my face) no matter what they do, and I'll all-but-switch-off when characters like Andy & Randy Pig, Elmer Otter's Jug Band, Uncle Deadly, The Mutations and Annie Sue appear on screen.

If there are any characters in the above lists that anyone doesn't recognise, let me know in the comments so I can 'introduce' them to you properly - no matter which group they're listed in. :)

Friday, October 21, 2005

Regrets - I've Had A Few (Tag)

I've decided "hang it all"; I'm going to tag a couple of people with this 'Regrets -I've Had A Few' post and see what happens.

The idea is you need to list your regrets in life (the number of regrets is up to you), and then tag two new bloggers to do the same, giving kudos to whoever tagged you.

So now I find myself in the unenviable position of having to choose two bloggers to tag. Do I go with those who I feel 'closest' to? Do I go with sentimentality? Do I go with those I want to learn more about? Do I go with those I want to encourage to post more on their blog? Do I go with the bloggers I find highly amusing?

I think the best and fairest answer is to tag those who have tagged me in the past few days. For that reason, I tag Elaine and Locket.

Never fear, the rest of you. I have been tagged twice now for the 20 Things business, so I will have plenty more tags to administer shortly.

But it won't be until next week. Have a good weekend everyone. I'm out.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Regrets - Why They Ain't, Really

Compiling that list yesterday made me re-think a lot of the items contained therein* and I've come to realise that not all of them are completely regrettable. In fact, some of them played a big hand in making me the champion guy you read before you.

Allow me to address each point separately, and list why (if relevant) they aren't complete regrets:

1. I've decided that I don't really regret the idea of not being 'tagged' in any of the blog tag games that have been going on for the past several months (or probably more). It led me to write these posts, after all. I'm happy with my lot. And like I said yesterday, this point probably didn't qualify as a regret anyway. It's more like the reason for the post being drafted in the first place, but wasn't an actual regret in-and-of itself. Thanks goes out to Elaine, though, for tagging me in support of my pain (or to shut me up). Either way, kudos! Consider me tagged.

2. Yeah, there's no getting around the fact that I forgot to specifically thank my best man in my wedding speech. This will always be a regret.

3. In regards to not bidding enough on the rare Muppet collectibles I saw on eBay, I bid what I was comfortable paying. We're on a budget, so if they were going to cost us that much, it wouldn't have been a managable expense anyway. If I'm meant to own those items, I know I'll be able to get ahold of them later, either at a cheaper price, or when I'm actually able to pay more for them.

4. Year 10 sucked; there's no getting around it. (Although that is when I met Ms Fits and had the privilege of offering imaginary chocolates to her "Eliza Doolittle"** as she sang 'Wouldn't It Be Luverly?' on stage in the school production of My Fair Lady ...) But even though the year sucked, I was introduced to bullying, intimidation, ridicule and harassment from the victim's perspective, and it helped IN A BIG WAY to form who I am today; my values and behaviours. I am a strong advocate for no bullying in the workplace (which is a full-time gig around here!), and it TURNS MY STOMACH when I see intimidation tactics being used on someone. My semi-alienation in Year 10 also meant I was thrust into a real group of friends - who didn't give me a hard time - and with whom I am still best mates now, over 14 years later. No, I mean best mates. As close a bond as it's possible to have. The year also helped me hone my bizarre brand of humour (which I did already possess, it's true), and make it such a 'weapon of mass hysteria' that I was able to reassert myself at the top of the chain-of-command by the time I reached uni and become the Magnificent Leader I always knew I could be (shut up, Riss), and of course enabling me to wow a little lady I met later, who called herself (quite perplexingly, at the time) 'Wifey'. So hey - it's all for the best, right?

5. Well, like I said yesterday, taking Roaccutane obviously helped clear up my cystic acne and probably prevented it spreading a lot further and/or being much worse. But it hit at the unfortunate time of my mid-teens (as acne often does!) and after I had just changed high schools (and states), so it was all-too-easy to be judged as The Freak without being given a chance. Still, I look sexy with a shaved head and I have very close mates whose friendships mean a lot more to me than token drinking buddies who share a love of the same football code.

6. I like to think the word missing from the sentence "I regret not having properly mourned Nanna's passing" is "yet".

7. My sister and I have a better relationship now, but we live in different states and don't see each other much. She's a stronger person for it (*denial*) ... but this is still a regret.

8. On the whole, I enjoy my job here, even if it is under threat from Howard (in more ways that one - VSU, Industrial Relations, etc) next year. I've learned new 'skills' since coming to work here, and I guess made myself more employable. Sometimes*** the managers around here are so corrupt and greedy and two-faced and cruel and bullying and self-congratulatory and rude and lazy and I wish I had a thesaurus at hand, that it fills me with The Rage. So I have my moments when I wish I'd changed jobs at some point, but the rest of the time I'm content where I am.

9. Not even having ten regrets in life is a good thing, obviously, so I ain't explain' that away.

Thanks for your comments yesterday. I'll get back to more cheerful fodder tomorrow.

* Yes, I really do talk that way.

** A character; not a euphemism.

*** For example, when it's a day ending in a 'y'.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Regrets - Here They Be

Here are the Ten Regrets of my life:

1. I regret never being tagged on my blog. Not once. (Poofs.) In all the tagging games that've gone on around me, I've sat here patiently, waiting my turn ... but no. Everyone's more interested in everyone else but me. Fair enough, I s'pose. I can be pretty two-dimensional. OR SO YOU'RE ALL THINKING! YOU DON'T KNOW ME! YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL!!

Ahem, sorry about that momentary lapse in deportment. Where was I? Oh yes.

YOU'RE ALL A PACK OF ARROGANT BAST-- sorry, no. I was going to say this: I may not be quite the dullard you could be assuming I am. I might surprise you, y'know. And if not, well done, clap clap, who's a clever boy then, have yourself a biscuit.

The point is, I'm going to have to take it upon myself to do my own thing here. If I chose to tag people, I certainly won't choose YOU.

(Actually, is it possible to "regret" not being tagged? Surely that's just disappointment, rather than a regret? It's not something I could control, so I couldn't have altered it by doing or not-doing anything. Still, I regret not speaking up about it before now. And I regret being made to feel this insignificant. And I regret being such a girl about it.)

2. I regret my speech as groom at my wedding reception. I only had one shot at it. And I did very well, considering. But I forgot to mention my best man. Horror of horrors, it shames me to this day, and I still feel the cold icy chill of shame and regret race down my spine, whenever I think of it. I expect I always will. He'd done such a great job, delivered such a brilliant speech, and I'd thanked every-frickin-body-else for coming and doing their bit ... it was such a glaring oversight, it's amazing people didn't boo as I started to wind it up (although I'd been talking for 40 minutes by that point* ...). Allow me to point out, however, that Wifey had just surprised the pants off me** when making her speech moments before and heading up to the band to perform her surprise song that she'd written for me! So I was just slightly dazed and speechless after the emotional high of hearing such a beautiful song sung to me by my new beautiful bride. Also, let it be known that I thanked the four groomsmen (which included the best man), and when I intended to lead in to thanking the best man specifically, I was sidetracked by something and lost my place in my notes. Still, it does nothing to quell the pain.

3. I regret that I didn't put enough money on those failed eBay bids on rare Muppet collectibles as I clearly needed to, if I was going to win them. Letting them slip by me was a devasting blow, and I may never see their like again.

4. I regret that I had a miserable Year 10 and was so unimaginatively ridiculed without rhyme or reason (none that was fair, anyway), that there was nothing I could do to stop it. So I took it, 'secure' in the knowledge that they were the real idiots for believing lies about my supposed stupidity. Little did I know the deep scarring all the bullying was doing to me. I wish I could have set the meatheads straight on their gross misjudgements of me, because now - when the realisation of its damage has dawned on me - it's way too little way too late. Although I could say they were the poorer ones for not getting to know me first and making up their own minds about me, that's not really accurate, is it. They honestly don't care and had laughs at my expense, and I'm the one who's still writing about it in a list of regrets on the Internet.

5. I regret taking Roaccutane as a teen to 'clear up' the cystic acne I had on my back, shoulders and neck. (Nice, I know. Try living it.) It was a whole new kind of torture and ostracization (if that's a real word - which I know it's not). It left me with bad scars and skin tissue from which I now grow long, unruly hair. But it's better than if I hadn't taken the stuff, I guess. It would have spread to my face or something. Or lasted a lot longer and left me with way worse scars. But the unstoppable 45-minute nose-bleeds at the time and the premature balding at 28 were things I could have done without.

6. I regret not having properly mourned Nanna's passing.

7. I regret treating my sister with contempt when we were growing up.

8. I regret not having changed jobs at some point since I finished uni. Something. Anything. Except teaching. I regret not having made it as a writer or film-maker. Or even as an actor, even though Cotton's experiences often make me glad I let that particular dream waft away when it did (not necessary never-to-return, though - I've never bolted that door).

9. I regret not even having ten regrets in life.

* Not really. It was more like 50 minutes.

** Not literally. At least not for a few hours yet.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Regrets - I've Had A Few

... But then again, too few to mention.


As you were.

Monday, October 17, 2005

So In Love!

Friday, October 14, 2005

Hey, You Can't Park There! - Case File # 3

'What do you mean the car won't fit if I try to park on the side of the freeway?'

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Broken Hearted

Wifey received a beautiful necklace for her birthday last Friday. It wasn't from me - it was from one of her close girlfriends. It had a beautiful red glass heart hanging from it, and she loved it. She adored it. She cherished it. She wore it each day and intended to keep doing so.

But then two nights ago, after a particularly difficult day, and having owned it for only four days, she was taking it off in the bathroom when the glass heart ran down the cord and off the end, landing in the enamel basin and smashing into two biggish pieces.

She was - literally and emotionally - heart broken. It was enough to bring on the tears, seeing as it was such a beautiful gift that probably wasn't at all cheap and had meant so much to her.

The significance of her heart breaking after the rough day she'd had was not lost on either of us. All I could do was hold her while she cried silently. It killed me.

Now we face the dilemma of what to do about it. It's possible that the friend who gave it to her will read this (I'm not sure how likely it is, but it's certainly possible), so there's no point pretending it didn't happen. We've already resigned ourselves to this. And we're worried that the friend will be just as disappointed with what happened as we are.

Thankfully, the actual break was 'clean'. I'm confident that, with the right solvent or whatever, we can put the two pieces back together and you won't be able to tell it was ever broken. The part that broke away from the majority of the piece is the bit with the glass loop at the top of the heart where you thread the necklace through. The two pieces already fit into each other without hassle when holding them together.

But how to stick it back together? Do I just use normal super glue? Both sections are glass, and I'm not sure if that's the best option. Should I take it to a jeweller or glass blower and ask them to seal the pieces back together professionally? Is there another product that's better for sealing glass to glass? What about if it's slightly coloured, like this is? (Red, of course.)

I figured that if anyone will know, someone on the Internet can advise me. :)

Please help me mend Wifey's broken heart.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005


But can we believe it?


Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Thanks For Your Suggestions!

So Friday was Wifey’s 25th birthday.

For my 30th in August, she surprised me by secretly arranging with my supervisor for me to have the day off work (it was also a Friday, as it happens, so a long weekend is never a bad birthday present!). Although Wifey doesn’t work on Fridays and there’s no way I could return the favour, I decided that I could secretly arrange with my supervisor for me to have her birthday Friday off work as well, therefore making us even in some weird and uneven kind of way.

On my birthday, she let me get up and get ready for work, only stopping me as I headed for the door by saying, ‘Oh, I just remembered – you’re not going to work today.’

And so it was that last Friday morning dawned and I got up as usual and prepared for work. I wished her happy birthday and kissed her goodbye as she lay there sleeping, and headed for the front door. I even opened it and closed it as if I was leaving the house (although I stayed inside and stood still for a moment before returning to the bedroom). When she rolled over and looked up at me questioningly, I said, ‘Oh, I just remembered – I’m not going to work today. Thanks for letting me give you this birthday present of me!’

As selfish and amusing as it may sound, it was actually great for her too because she was hoping to be able to spend her birthday with me (or at least for us to have some ‘quality time’ together over the weekend, if possible), so this little surprise made her very happy. (Me too!)

I told her to get out of bed and I’d make her a glass of orange juice before we got stuck into the day. We walked into the kitchen, and as I went to the fridge, I asked her (all casual-like) if she could please fetch me a glass from the cupboard. When she opened the cupboard, there facing her was an envelope with the words ‘FOR YOU!’ emblazoned across it.

It was her birthday card, and it also contained a note with cryptic instructions on where to find her present. And so began an hour-long treasure hunt throughout the house.

(I’d stayed up until 3:30am wrapping 34 presents, sorting out hiding places for each one, writing clues as to each present’s location, then turning those clues into rhymes so she had to decipher the rhyme first, then organising it so they were in the right order and one clue led to the right next present, then hiding them all over the place. I’m good value.)

Amongst other things, she was lucky enough to receive a couple of books she wanted, a handful of CDs she was desperate to own, a stack of DVDs she and I both wanted (I win again!), a poncho and singlet top she’d actually picked out herself but then given to me so they could be part of her birthday presents, and a Muppet collectable figurine (hey – she loves Robin!).

By then it was around 8:45am, and I told her she had half an hour to get ready for the day, as we wouldn’t be back until after dinner. (This turned out to be not-so-accurate, but it was a good thing to tell her anyway.)

She’d specifically asked me three weeks earlier to take her to dinner on her birthday at her favourite local Mexican place, and I told her I’d booked us a table for two there for that evening. Which was partly correct. She’d been a little upset a few weeks before when she looked at the calendar to book a party for all her friends so they could help her celebrate her 25th, and realised that there was no night (apart from the ‘date night’ on her actual birthday that she’d already arranged with me) that was available on the calendar.

Anyway, shortly after 9am we headed out for the day, and I drove her up to the Dandenongs; a very pretty mountain region in Melbourne’s eastern suburbs. We stopped at her favourite café-of-the-moment, Ripe, and had their amazing bagels and hot chocolates for breakfast (the latter of which is made from shaving real Lindt chocolate off a block of the stuff – and it’s truly incredible and delicious!).

Then we spent the next three or four hours strolling the streets of Olinda and Sassafras, doing various girly things involving pink scarves and frilly doilies, etc. Hey, I wore a plastic smile and got points for it!

At around 1pm, I saw that we were both completely exhausted, so suggested we return home for a rest before our dinner date. She was happy to do that, having spent the entire morning on a ‘date’ with me, and she’d had a great time. On the way down from the Dandenongs, I ‘accidentally’ took the long way home and found myself arriving at Knox cinemas, where I told her we should pull in and see what was playing.

Standing at the counter, I went to ask the guy what was on (or so she thought), but instead said, ‘I was wondering ... if you had a booking for BEVIS for 2pm in Gold Class?’

She batted my arm in glee and asked what movie it was for. I told her it was either The Dukes of Hazzard or Cinderella Man (neither of which she wanted to see), and the guy at the counter was clued-in (or stupid) enough not to say anything.

When we got up to the elitist Gold Class section, we ordered our food and drink, went and sat down in the near-empty cinema (only one other couple were there and they stayed well away from us – possibly because I removed my pants before sitting down*), and watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, which she’d been dying to see for quite a while. We sat in the centre back row, on these seats, so it was pretty lush.

I expected, after the amount of sleep I’d had and how tired we both were walking around looking at hats and dresses and shoes and tablecloths, that we’d be battling to stay awake during the movie (especially seeing as we were lying down on some of the most comfy seats in the world), but the excitement of the movie gave us our second wind (or maybe that was the popcorn), and we stayed awake throughout.

When the movie was over, we had about three and a half hours before our dinner reservation, so we really did go home and rest this time.

At 7pm we got up, got ready, and headed out to the Mexican restaurant Wifey loves so much. As we entered, I opened the door for her and told her the booking for a table for 2 under the name ‘BEVIS’, and as she asked the waitress for the table, I turned to my right and said quietly, ‘Oh, look.’

When she turned and saw 30 of her nearest and dearest friends waiting for her, she was delighted!

So the rest of the night was spent eating and drinking and talking and laughing and burping and having a great time. Many thanks to this woman for helping me book the restaurant (the rest of the day I did myself!). Thanks also to our waiter for being so confusing.

In the end, it didn’t matter that we didn’t have our ‘date night’ as planned, because we had a whole ‘date day’ instead, which she never expected.

So I was an ace husband for the following reasons:

- I gave myself the day off work
- I bought her a Muppet figurine
- I went to the movies
- Someone else arranged the majority of the surprise dinner

What a guy I am!

And just before I go, here's another photo of The Captain & Tennille's adorable little newborn daughter, this time immitating 80s rock god Billy Idol:

"Rock the baby's cradle of love!"

* OK, not really.

Monday, October 10, 2005

The Captain's Kid

For those of you who are interested in meeting The Captain & Tennille's baby daughter, here are a few photos taken of her by her adoring parents:

And if you actually want to see a real photo of her, here you go. For refusing to wear a sailor's hat at such a very early age, she received The Captain's customary smack on botty!

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Congratulations, Captain!

My very good friend, Captain Dingbat, is now officially a father!

Doesn't he look proud as punch?

His lovely wife did all the hard work, but the delighted pair have now been joined on this Earth by a gorgeous newborn daughter.

It all happened at 12:30pm today, up in the country, and both mother and daughter are doing well. I think the father is still recovering, but that's the Captain for you!

Well done to Tennille for getting through it, and congratulations again to the happy couple!

Lots of love goes out to you both. Wifey and I can't wait to meet the little tyke.


Thursday, October 06, 2005


It's Wifey's 25th birthday tomorrow. I don't know what I should do.

Bearing in mind that she'll probably read this before the day arrives (so be careful what you say), what suggestions can you offer so I can somehow make the day as enjoyable for her as she made my 30th for me in August?

I'll read any comments left here and then report back next week on how the day went down.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

The Many & Varied Faces Of BEVIS




Party Friday

At Disneyland

At My Wedding

On My Honeymoon

During My Brief Career As A Rock God

With My Cats

With An Inexplicably Large Banana

Which BEVIS is your favourite?

Monday, October 03, 2005

Kermit Turns 50 *

That's right, Kermit the Frog, my main man, the head honcho of greeny goodness, ruler of all amphibians, source of one pig's affections, is 50 years old.

Looks pretty good for 50, eh?

To celebrate his birthday, you may have heard that Disney is sending him on a 15-month trip around the world, making 50 stops along the way (starting in less than two weeks in the aptly-named town of Kermit in Texas, and including a run with the bulls in Spain), where he can cavort with his fans worldwide (and usually when Americans say 'worldwide' they mean nationwide**, but I'm pleased to report that he does actually appear to be going overseas on this trip), and a handful of classic (and one brand new) Muppet movies are being re-released on DVD (presumably with special features for these 50th birthday editions).

For a wonderful little piece of Kermit history, visit this page and click on the red 'Listen' button under the title.

"Kermit is iconic, a global character who transcends time and generational taste," says Chris Curtin of Disney, which now owns the Muppets. "It's rare to find a character who survives that kind of test of time."

But what would he know.

Excitingly (for me), the U.S. Postal Service issued a commemorative stamp collection in honour of the late Jim Henson and his Muppets last week. Featuring a special stamp of Henson himself, plus thirteen of the main Muppets across ten different stamps (not to mention a beautiful New York based silouette of Jim and Kermit), I have already ordered myself three copies online as keepsakes. Here's a pic:

There is also a new book this month from Hyperion called It's Not Easy Being Green and Other Things to Consider, "filled with commentary from Henson and his characters, friends and family." Sounds like a great Christmas gift, wouldn't you say, Wifey-who-works-in-a-bookstore?***

"Well, you know, it's interesting being 50," Kermit said in a recent interview with I Blogged Myself****. "You start to reflect on your life. And you look back over the years at everything you've ever done. And, with age, middle age, comes wisdom. But I have to say that I'm not sure that 50 for me is the same as 50 in people years."

Ha! Wacky frog puppet! You see what he did there?

"Kermit the Frog has not only transcended genres, he has entertained generations of fans for more than five decades," said Chris Curtin, general manager and vice president, The Muppets Holding Company, LLC. "For someone who has touched the hearts of millions, it only seems fit that we honour Kermit with the grandest of celebrations."

Whatever, suit!

What upsets me the most, however, is the following paragraph from the online press:

Through the end of 2006, Kermit will meet fans and participate in major events, visit famous attractions, and enjoy local celebrations in 50 destinations, touching down in numerous countries across four continents. The globe-hopping star will see renowned monuments such as the Statue of Liberty, the Eiffel Tower and the Great Wall of China, among others. Our ever-youthful frog will touch down at NASA's Johnson Space Center, brave a Frog Leg Festival in Fellsmere, Fla., as well as run with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain. Other activities will include a visit to Hong Kong Disneyland, a performance with the Rockettes and Kermit's first-ever USO appearance, where he'll bring a smile to service men and women abroad.

This means, as the more observant of you will have noted, that Australia is most likely the one continent Kermit will not be visiting over the coming year!

Colour me unimpressed.

"Kermit is truly an international star, with a fan base that reaches the far corners of the globe," added Dave Burchianti, director of marketing, The Muppets Holding Company. "We're taking Kermit's celebration to places both far and near -- and everywhere in between."

Except Australia, right, rubberneck?

Those who can't meet Kermit frog-to-face along his journey can follow him on Muppets.com. Fans will be able to download pictures and videos, as well as review Kermit's memories and adventures in an online journal -- his "Frog Blog." Truly a frog of the people, Kermit will allow his beloved fans around the world to determine his final destination via an online vote.


Don't let the fact that whoever created that map doesn't know how to spell 'Papua'. Melbourne is the best place in the world for Kermit to end his tour - because it's cold and swampy like he's used to, and I'M here!!

Here's another attempt, although whoever created this map doesn't know the correct shape of Australia. We're actually not as 'stretched' as that. We've gone on a diet and lost a lot of weight since this photo was taken:

This is the address you go to to vote on Kermit's final destination: http://www.muppets.com/ Make it Melbourne!

* Additional 'reporting' from various online news resources. (There. That should get me out of trouble with the lawyers for stealing whole sentences of someone else's work!) :)

** Case in point: The World Series plays host to America only. Nice one.

*** Yes it does.

**** Or it could have been AP Television News. I forget now which one it was.