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Monday, January 22, 2007

Muppet Question # 19 Answered

On Thursday, 18th January, 2007 at 7:43:34 PM, Gigglewick said ...

Bevis, I have a muppets related question:

Is the "gone with the schwinn" the worst gag the muppets ever?

Clearly I vote yes, keen to know if you concur.

Goodness me, no! There were many Muppet puns that were way worse than that! (For the uninformed, Kermit says the above line when he's riding his bicycle towards a steamroller, and manages to jump away just at the last moment - his bike being crushed behind him. He turns to the camera and says, "That's pretty dangerous building a road in the middle of the street. I mean, if frogs couldn't hop, I'd be gone with the Schwinn", which is obviously a play on the famous film, Gone With The Wind. 'Schwinn' is a brand of bicycle.)

Kermit - seen here just moments before
he is almost "gone with the Schwinn".

For comparison's sake, how about some of these corny puns?

Fozzie: Oh, I'm so nervous. If I'm not funny, I won't be able to live with myself.
Dr Bunsen Honeydew: Well, then you'll just have to get another apartment, won't you?

Kermit (greeting Sweetums, who they believe to be called 'Jack', after watching him lift the front of a Volks Wagon and walk it away on its back wheels): Hi, Jack.
Sweetums: Jack not name! Jack: Job!

Kermit: It's too bad the dancing girls are on vacation. This crowd's getting ugly.
Fozzie: If you think this crowd's ugly, you should see the dancing girls.

Paul Simon (offering his help to Pops, who's struggling with the lever to the Muppet Theater trapdoor): "I know fifty ways to love your lever."

Kermit to Miss Piggy (who is known as 'Benjamina' in Muppet Treasure Island): "Don't cry for me, Benjamina."

Fozzie: "The drinks are on the house!"
(Everyone in the bar then runs up on to the roof,
searching in vain for the promised drinks.)

Telly Savalas (talking to his girlfriend about Kermit): "Careful, he'll give you warts!"
Kermit: "Uh, no. That's just a myth."
Telly Savalas: "Yeah, but she's my miss."
Kermit: "No: Myth! Myth!"
Female Passerby With A Prominent Lisp: "Yeth?"
(This joke is repeated later in the same film. Different location, same line, same random woman appearing out of nowhere, same prominent lisp.)

Kermit: "We're gonna have to catch the theives red-handed."
Gonzo: "What colour are their hands now?"
(Another running gag.)

Jeffery Tambor (to Gonzo): "You have no nostrils! How do you smell?"
Rizzo: "Terrible, believe me! I'm his roommate."

Fozzie (telling a joke): "Good grief, the comedian's a bear. -- No he's-a not! He's-a wearin' a neck tie!"

Rowlf the Dog: "I finish work, go home, read a book, have a couple of beers, take myself for a walk and go to bed."

Kermit: "It's no good complainin' and pointless to holler."
Rowlf: "If she's a beauty she'll get under your collar."

Mad scientist Mel Brooks to Miss Piggy,
moments before 'frying' Kermit's brain:
"Soon, you'll be bringing home the bacon!"

Rowlf: "Ah, but what could be better than a saucy Irish setter, when puppy love comes on strong? Or a collie that's classy; a laddie needs a lassie. A lover and wife gives you a new leash on life."

Kermit: "Still, it's fun when they're fetching, and agree to see an etching that you keep at your lily pad."

Rowlf: "Some get an itchin' for a critter they've been scratchin'."

Rowlf (referring to a melancholy Kermit): "It's not often you see a guy that green have the blues that bad."

Kermit: "Y'know, I may be mistaken, but the bellhops look like rats."
Rowlf: "You should see the chambermaids."

Kermit (navigating as Fozzie drives) "Hey Fozzie, I want you to turn left when you get to a fork in the road."
Fozzie: "Yes sir. Turn left at the fork in the road."
(A giant fork, its prongs sticking into the ashphelt, is revealed at a fork in the road)
Fozzie: "Turn left ..."
Kermit (to himself): "I don't believe that."

Kermit (navigating): "Bear left."
Fozzie (driving): "Right frog!"

That'll probably do it. I hope I've made my point. If I've missed any puns that hold a special place in your hearts, gentle readers, please do add them to the mix.



At Monday, January 22, 2007 6:27:00 pm, Anonymous sbr said...

But that's a list of good puns; there are a couple of my all time faves in there. (I still bewilder people occasionally by saying "yeth" in a falsetto when others say "myth." It's a habit I should get out of).

The Gone with the Schwinn line is a terrible, terrible joke. Too contrived, the word is too far from "wind," and the double meaning is weak. The ones you cite are corny but genuinely funny.

But of course, I know the post was just an excuse yo quote your favourite lines.

At Monday, January 22, 2007 7:20:00 pm, Blogger meva said...

They're all great, but I think INC might have a meltdown. Pun overload!

At Tuesday, January 23, 2007 12:30:00 am, Blogger Crystal said...

I have to disagree with you sbr, it is a great line.

Whatever has happened to
Paul Williams ?

At Tuesday, January 23, 2007 11:19:00 am, Blogger MelbourneGirl said...

whatever happened to telly savalas? kojak was a fave in our household at one stage.

the paul simon love and lever joke was a goodie. and the sweetums jack:job gag. nice.

now bevis, though, i just can't believe you have all these stored in your head? please tell me you don't, and how you compiled this selection.

hope everyone is well at the bevis household.


At Tuesday, January 23, 2007 8:38:00 pm, Blogger gigglewick said...

Yay Bevis - that was awesome.

And you're right, the "schwinn" line is up against some tough competition.

I'm also amazed that Paul Simon had the sense of humour to do ANY GAGS AT ALL particularly those that might make fun of his music.


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