I Blogged Myself

Why do you always come here? I guess we'll never know. It's like a kind of torture, To read this blog, y'know.

Welcome to the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppetational blog since Kermit left just a little bit of the swamp in his pants.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Name And Shame # 3

What is it with bad drivers this month?!

This one absolutely takes the cake.

I had the misfortune to find myself following a BMW 4WD this morning, with the licence plate: TTG 661. The woman driving this monstrosity of a vehicle was talking on her mobile phone (illegally holding it to her ear with her left hand), repeatedly changing lanes and turning corners without ever once using her indicator, braking too late to give adequate warning to those behind her, was completely oblivious to the anger and panic she was causing in other drivers (not just me), and was clearly having a very heated and animated argument with someone over the phone.


Hey, stupid woman! Pull over if you're gonna talk on the phone. Especially if you're angry. And if you're not able to indicate. And if you're distracted from knowing where you're going. And if you're causing near-accidents left, right and centre. And if you've got a TODDLER IN A BABY SEAT IN THE BACK OF YOUR CAR!

I beeped my horn at her, caught her eye in her rearview mirror, made the 'telephone' symbol with my hand, and shook my head to indicate that was she was doing was wrong.

Do you think she acknowledged her illegal and unsafe behaviour and pulled over apologetically?

Not. On. Your. Life.

She flew into a raging (silent for me, but obviously scary and abusive for her child and whoever was on the other end of the phone) torrent of screams and obscene hand gestures. It was so over-the-top and ridiculous that I burst into laughter, despite my own fury at her behaviour. Seeing me laughing only made her angrier, but by then she was a lost cause anyway. I wasn't laughing at her to intentionally evoke a response; she made me laugh at her mind-boggling self-righteousness in the justification of her own actions and negligence.

Whatever, biatch.

Kill yourself, your child, and however many innocent others you happen to take out with you in your head-height death machine for all I care. Just don't do it anywhere around me, where I'm likely to be involved in the accident you're bound to cause any day now.

In the meantime, have a pleasant day.


Thursday, May 08, 2008

Name And Shame # 2

To the woman this morning who changed lanes without looking and nearly ran me off the road because she was busy DOING HER MAKE-UP IN THE MIRROR AND DIDN'T CHECK HER BLINDSPOT ...

Your navy blue Hyundai hatchback (with the licence plate NTV 165) pissed me off so much, I can only hope that by naming and shaming your ridiculously unsafe driving practices here, I will have enabled some measure of 'uppance' to come at you.