I Blogged Myself

Why do you always come here? I guess we'll never know. It's like a kind of torture, To read this blog, y'know.

Welcome to the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppetational blog since Kermit left just a little bit of the swamp in his pants.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Muppet Question # 3 Answered

Here's a comment my good (but very sick and twisted) friend Kranki-Pants (as he has expressly asked me to call him) left on Thursday, 11th August:

Kranki said...

Wives are great. But if you had to be married to one of the muppets, who would it be and why?

Well, what a fantastic question.


I don't know how he does it.

It's like English is his first language, instead of American.


Anyway, upon first reflection, one would assume that there aren't a lot of female Muppets for a guy to choose from, when selecting a potential mate. There's the always-pretentious Miss Piggy, and the constantly-stoned Janice. And that's about it.

Actually, there are plenty more female Muppets, but not really any with much personality (that we've seen). There's Wanda, Zelda, Hilda, Astoria, Cynthia (notice how they all seem to rhyme?), Gladys, Annie Sue, Mildred, ... and of course Camilla. (But who wants to marry a chicken?)

(Besides Kranki, I mean.)

The thing is, if we're talking about being betrothed to a pile of felt and fur, why should I preclude the male Muppets?

Assuming it's not too creepy (considering where we started out with this discussion, after all), I will also look at which male Muppet I'd consider marrying.

I think I'd be attracted to Kermit's integrity and commitment. He was always so strong in his resolve, and tried to do the right thing despite everything going wrong around him. He was also fairly unflappable (but when he lost his temper, he would generally scream), and he was always a true professional once he was out on stage addressing the audience.

Although I've never enjoyed Fozzie very much, I've got to say that he has a heart of gold. He possesses an unconditional love (if you don't offend him - if you do, he can actually be quite childish), and his determination to succeed at whatever he sets his mind to is admirable (particularly his crappy stand-up routines); I'll give him that.

I'd certainly be attracted to Rowlf's sense of humour. And plenty more of his characteristics, but you can read my separate post on Rowlf if you're interested in knowing more about that.

I'd be attracted to the 'sweetness' of Sweetums, the primal urges of Animal, the brain of Bunsen and the ego and daring of Gonzo.

But it's hard to say which of them is the complete package.

I'd probably find more solace and comfort with Kermit, so that's my final answer. Kermit's the marrying type for me.

Sexy smile, huh?

Oh, and if I was to marry one of the girl Muppets, I'd go with Janice. She's cool!

Who would you marry?


At Thursday, August 25, 2005 4:46:00 pm, Anonymous CBomb said...

Fozzie. Actually, I think my boyfriend is Fozzie.

At Thursday, August 25, 2005 4:52:00 pm, Anonymous John B. said...

Well, if I was gay I'd go for the Swedish Chef, cause he can cook and has real human hands.

Actually I did go out with a muppet once, but I had to break up with her, cause she was too material for me...get it MATERIAL! Ahh, give me a break it's been a tough day.

At Friday, August 26, 2005 9:46:00 am, Blogger BEVIS said...

Nice one.

I felt it could have been better, though.

I nearly spat my chewing gum out of my mouth when I laughed just then (in fact it was hanging out of my mouth a bit), but I managed to puppet back in.

At Friday, August 26, 2005 11:49:00 am, Blogger You've Got What I Need... said...

Hello Bevis,
I'd go for Animal. He's very energetic.

At Thursday, September 01, 2005 3:31:00 pm, Blogger BEVIS said...


You make a good point. Energy has a lot to be said for itself (generally because it won't sit still and be quiet).

My brother's favourite Muppet is Animal (they're both drummers, for a start), and I think my brother has more energy than most people I know.


I wonder what that says?? ...

At Thursday, September 01, 2005 11:38:00 pm, Blogger MelbourneGirl said...

i know this is an old post but i want to register my preference here. it has always been, and will always be, kermit. he is the man.

he's green and miss piggy is just mad about him, like psychotic. there is something to be said about a man who has a woman just mad for him. it's like he's keeping something secret.

i loved your psycho-emotional wrap up of them all, bevis.

At Tuesday, September 06, 2005 10:21:00 am, Blogger BEVIS said...

Thanks, MelbourneGirl, for registering your preference! :)

Much obliged - old post or no.

Kermit really was a star. And he still is, of course. But there was a damn fine reason he was the main character of the show. He's just so likeable.

He wasn't always going to be the main character and host of The Muppet Show, however. But more on that little tidbit in another post.

(Way to forward-sell, BEVIS!)

*high-fives himself*


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