I Blogged Myself

Why do you always come here? I guess we'll never know. It's like a kind of torture, To read this blog, y'know.

Welcome to the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppetational blog since Kermit left just a little bit of the swamp in his pants.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

A Gobble-Gobble, A Gobble-Gobble-Gobble!

I can't believe this article, which Captain Dingbat just sent me.

I love that she put her victory down to "swallowing fast". What a genius. Is she sure it wasn't because she said grace before her meal? I mean - really. What else would help you win a speed-eating competition if not for the speed with which you ate?

Here's another fantastic quote from our intrepid champion, when asked to explain her winning strategy: "I just tried to eat fast."

Golly, I hope this woman is a mother (or planning to be) - the gene pool her brainiac kids would be swimming in is just teeming with clever little buggie things!

And so what was her training regime? Why, chewing gum, of course! You've got to have a strong jaw that has been specifically 'trained' into thinking like a powerful chewing machine (with super-sonic chomping strength*) to even attempt a feat like this!

Disturbing Fact From This Article # 37: There is an International Federation of Competitive Eating, which even uses capital letters to signify its own importance.

And so, in closing, allow me to remind you that this clever woman has also been faster than her opponents at eating egg, cheesecake, crab-cake, meatball and fruit-cake ... but hopefully not all at once.

What a way to spend your Thanksgiving. You Americans are wacky.






The next part of my TV multi-post will hopefully be here tomorrow. It's just out the back, trying to find a car park - I swear.




* Trademark.

8 Comments:

At Thursday, November 24, 2005 4:54:00 pm, Blogger Clokeeeey! said...

What sort of car does a multi post drive? Is it a Tarago to fit all the kiddies in?

 
At Thursday, November 24, 2005 5:22:00 pm, Blogger BEVIS said...

You're not far off, Clokeeeey. It's more of a minibus, though. So they can all squeeze in there, holding on to all their respective comments.

That also explains why it's so hard to find a car park at night in these parts! Everyone's gone out for the night, drinking, having a few laughs - no thought at all for those with larger vehicles who have to drive for blocks to find somewhere to park!

I dunno; it's disgusting ...

 
At Thursday, November 24, 2005 7:16:00 pm, Blogger fluffy said...

Can someone explain to me why she trained for the contest by chewing gum at a deli in NYC? She's supposedly from Virginia. I'm stumped.

 
At Thursday, November 24, 2005 7:54:00 pm, Blogger BEVIS said...

Ah, but Fluffsta, you're forgetting one thing:

Americans.*

 
At Thursday, November 24, 2005 8:09:00 pm, Blogger BEVIS said...

*

... I love 'em!

:)

 
At Thursday, November 24, 2005 9:57:00 pm, Blogger Clokeeeey! said...

I've seen the number 1 ranked gut (from Japan). He appears in an ad on ESPN. He swallows 2 hotdogs in under 15 seconds. Awesome...
He deserves his ranking.

 
At Thursday, November 24, 2005 10:06:00 pm, Blogger Clokeeeey! said...

* hey I meant to write guy above, but wrote gut and I think it fits better.

 
At Thursday, November 24, 2005 10:34:00 pm, Blogger BEVIS said...

I actually didn't think it was out-of-place or a mistake until you drew attention to it!

 

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